The Process

11/9/22

As I mentioned in a previous post, if I retain sin aka iniquity in my heart, then the Lord will not hear me.  And we have learned that unforgiveness is sin.  Psalm 66:18 reminds me; If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear.

Consequently, I am confessing my sin of unforgiveness to you so that I may be healed according to James 5:16: Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

“What is forgiveness? Answering that question is a little like describing chocolate cake to someone who’s never eaten cake. A simple answer like “it tastes sweet” doesn’t describe the cake or fully explain the experience…forgiveness is being able to wish someone well and truly mean it, even though we may never want or need to see that person again. Forgiveness does not require us to like someone. ‘I wish you well with your life, and I hope and pray you will cause no more damage to me or anyone else. Go in peace.’

The goal of forgiveness, therefore, is to replace toxic feelings of hatred with the more life-giving, nonlethal, neutral feeling of love. This feeling is born out of a well-meaning, peaceful indifference that allows us to wish the best—and mean it—for those who have harmed us…They’ve moved on, maybe to the next victim. You’re still angry and they probably haven’t given you a second thought. You are only harming yourself by holding on to this. Forgiveness is a gift that you can give to yourself.

Although, admittedly, praying for our enemies (those whom we need to forgive) is almost torture for some of us. God wants us to find healing, and healing comes from the process of revisiting old emotional wounds through prayer.”  The Forgiveness Project, ((pp. 99-100, 102, 153).

I sense the Spirit saying leave those who have hurt us to God.  The example given was “Peter, seeing him, said to Jesus, ‘But Lord, what about this man?’ Jesus said to him, ‘If I will that he remains till I come, what is that to you? You follow Me.” John 21:21-23.

Remember the song I was given for this project?  “Put Your Hand in The Hand” by Donny Hathaway. 

The third verse struck me hardest…"Take a look at yourself, and you can look at others differently."  So, that is where I started.  I had to take a deep look into my own sin closet before I could move forward.  In addition, the 'The Forgiveness Project' book told me to find ‘empathy’ towards those who I needed to forgive.  How did I do this?

I remembered my darkest, ugliest sin then I brought it out of my sin closet.  Once I brought this sin garment out, I had to re-look at it again and I did this in a variety of ways.  I looked closely at the circumstances surrounding it; my feelings at the time and my decisions.  I found a common denominator…fear.  So, with that in mind and knowing that God had forgiven me, I found this as a jumping off point to find empathy for others.  The fear I felt at that time was my divining rod to find understanding with those who hurt me or irked me!

“It does help us understand that we have caused pain to others, just as we ourselves have been hurt. Something powerful happens when we come to grips with our own humanity against a backdrop of grace.”  The Forgiveness Project, (p. 51).

If you remember, in my dream the church leaders were portrayed in the last scene as old, weary and wobbly.  I saw their humanness.  And so, it wasn’t hard to commiserate with that portrayal.  I looked again at my sin and I compared it to what they did to me.  To my surprise, I found there was no comparison.  I saw my sin as greater than what they did to me and there, I found empathy.

I could see how they feared what I did in pronouncing God’s judgment on the head pastor; what I said and especially, the book I had written documenting it all.  In my mind, the fear resulted in how they treated me and felt about me.

I felt my old sin garment was worse than what they perpetrated on me; that’s how I found compassion towards them.  Like the song says “Take a look at yourself and you will look at others differently!”  God saw my sin and forgave me and I saw their sin and forgave them.  I also know that I will have to accept some painful memories as “thorns” that will not be removed this side of heaven.

I have learned that the Lord might reveal the reason why a person hurts and wounds us, but that revelation does not negate the fact that we still need to forgive.  Likewise, that word of wisdom should be used as groundwork to start the process.

The last step in my project was to write my targets of forgiveness a letter that would stand as a memorial for God and I to remember.  So, the Lord gave me a date to do the ceremony and I did as I was told.