Chapter 12 ~ The Hidden Chapter, The Promise I Doubt the Most

This is a difficult chapter to compose as I am not writing in faith, but I am writing in doubt, hence repentance.  I am taking a leap of faith in putting pen to paper to record the skepticism I have over a promise I have believed for almost fifteen years.  My repentance is because I cannot say with a whole heart that I believe the promise still to be true.  As I bare my soul before you and the Lord, I am praying that God will convince me that I should still hold on to the original assurance.

I have left on the shelf the dreams and prophetic words about change that I believed God has said is coming to my former church.  And I must admit that I am not even sure if that church is still ‘my’ church.  I have asked myself “Is it wrong for me to want the change (at the church I once was a part of) that the Lord spoke about, to walk in newness of Spirit?”  As a believer in Jesus, isn’t that what the people of God want when they gather together…to be led by the Spirit of God? 

It all began when the Lord enlisted me to pray for the deliverance of my church.  The invitation came from the head pastor who wanted to know why turmoil encircled the women’s ministry.  The Lord revealed the Jezebel spirit was controlling the participants, but the sad truth was it originated from the head pastor’s wife.  In addition, he was a willing participant by exhibiting an Ahab spirit.  The whole story is told in My Sister’s Walk with God, Chapter Nine.  The assignment lasted ten years, from 2004 to 2014.

After the first year of deliverance prayer, God started telling me of His plans for the church.  In August 2005, I had a dream of me being pregnant and the assistant pastor’s wife (at the time) was my nurse.  It was puzzling to me initially until 2008 when my former prayer partner had a dream of me being pregnant, too.  Pregnant meaning a new thing is on the way, a new move of God or a new thing for one’s life.  Hence, it began to make sense that I was pregnant with the promises of God for my church. 

The verse God gave me as a model of what is to come for the church: Then it shall be to Me a name of joy, a praise, and an honor before all nations of the earth, who shall hear all the good that I do to them; they shall fear and tremble for all the goodness and all the prosperity that I provide for it.’  (Jeremiah 33:9).

How did I know a new thing was coming?  I had received many dreams and prophetic words regarding change coming to the church but the most significant is what I call the “Splendor Word”.  I had asked God the question: “Lord, what will our church and revival look like?”

The Splendor Word

“You have asked well, child.  In the hearing of My ears, you have spoken the words I have wanted and waited for you to speak.  It is a time of splendor in My Spirit; a time of threshing of old human ways and traditions; and a way of new hope and renewal to an old wine skin.

This work will be a life changing work, the institution will not survive but I will breathe in it, new life.  As I said before, My church will come to life, and it will be true to its name.  The Lord cometh and He will inhabit the true praises of His people.  And I will set My sanctuary with you, and all will be refreshed.

There will be people who will be healed; demons will be cast out, yes, they will even flee, and the sick will be raised up, even the sick unto death.  But this will only be a manifestation of My Spirit and as I move in to dwell with you under your roof, I will call for a holy reverence of all aspects of My sanctuary; of all the workings of My church; and of all who would handle My affairs.  There will be no slackness of vision or cutting corners to save time or money.  But all will be called into account for their actions under the watchful eye of My prophet.

Yes, this is unbelievable to you; however, I have ordained your church to be used as a move of My Spirit, for the people to be used as a spearhead for future change.  That is only the beginning of what I plan.  As I interject My presence into the life of My people in a powerful way, they will spread out their hands before Me and I will hear their prayers.  Many answers will come quickly; many healings will be seen directly, and I will orchestrate it all. 

But this is not for a time, and as the days grow darker, your church will shine brightly as a beacon of hope in the fog.  Be not surprised at My words to you but count the cost and stay near to My side, for I will not give My glory to another.  And My name will be a praise in all the earth.  The mouth of the Lord has spoken.”

“Then it shall be to Me a name of joy, a praise, and an honor before all nations of the earth, who shall hear all the good that I do to them; they shall fear and tremble for all the goodness and all the prosperity that I provide for it.” (Jeremiah 33:9). 

“’You are My witnesses,’ says the LORD, ‘And My servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe Me, and understand that I am He.  Before Me there was no God formed, nor shall there be after Me. I, even I, am the LORD, and besides Me there is no savior.  I have declared and saved, I have proclaimed, and there was no foreign god among you; therefore, you are My witnesses,’ Says the LORD, ‘that I am God.  Indeed, before the day was, I am He; and there is no one who can deliver out of My hand; I work, and who will reverse it?’” (Isaiah 43:10-13)

“Therefore, My people shall know My name; therefore, they shall know in that day that I am He who speaks: ‘Behold, it is I.’” (Isaiah 52:6)

“The LORD has made known His salvation; His righteousness He has revealed in the sight of the nations.  He has remembered His mercy and His faithfulness to the house of Israel; all the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God.” (Psalm 98:2-3)

Who Has Believed the Report?

Who has believed our report?  And to whom has the Arm of the Lord been revealed?  (Isaiah 53:1).

So, what exactly is the report/promise that I have believed that will come to pass in the life of my former church?  To be exact, it is the removal of the current leadership who housed the Jezebel spirit and chased the Spirit of the Living God from its grounds due to disobedience and rebellion.  With that said, I don’t want to think that over a decade of heartbroken earnest prayers have gone unheard for this situation.  My hope is according to Philemon 15-16 which the Lord gave me for the head pastor in 2006: For perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever, no longer as a slave but more than a slave—a beloved brother, especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

In addition, it is the placement of new leadership headed by the former assistant pastor who left the church in 2010 to be brought back to shepherd God’s flock and bring in revival.  Also, interesting to note, the assistant pastor’s wife was my attending nurse in the original pregnant dream in 2005 that I mentioned earlier.  This is the same couple that God had me anoint in 2005 to take over the church.  I have documented the event in My Sister’s Walk with God page 246:

“After the Lord told me to cease from interceding for the head pastor and his wife, He began to speak more about the assistant pastor. Now I must admit here that I was trying to figure out what God was going to do with the leadership of my church; in fact, I had it all worked out in my head. I don’t think my ideas were based strictly on my hopes, but I believe I was hearing God’s voice on this matter. Needless to say, I see through a glass dimly. So, I surmised that since the head pastor and wife were rebellious, they would be removed. Then the assistant pastor would take over the church, and the revival that I had longed for would come.”

Does this seem likely at this time in 2020?  No, definitely not.  Why?  Because the head pastor and his family are still running the church.  In addition, the then assistant pastor is now a head pastor at another church and well established.  Do you see why this is the promise I doubt the most?  If this is what the Lord wants (as I have thought for so many years); then a miracle of gigantic proportions has to take place. 

I have said that without adversity I would not overcome, without adversity I would not hope and without adversity there would be no miracles!  So, what am I to do but wait and see what the Lord has planned?  Over and over, I hear the Lord say: The sorrows of a woman in childbirth shall come upon him.  He is an unwise son, for he should not stay long where children are born.  (Hosea 13:13).

A quote from My Sister’s Walk with God: “Though I tried my hardest not to interpret what He had said by daydreaming about the situation that would have introduced my own ideas, I am human and certainly fallible.  I will not lie—it is hard to be comfortable in the mess of unanswered prayer and unfulfilled prophecy, let alone God’s promises.” 

Who wouldn’t want the Lord to come in power to their church and to setup His sanctuary?  Is it not He who we worship and adore?  Yes, it is He but the reality of the situation at that church was dismal.  It seemed hopeless even after ten years of prayer for the deliverance from the Jezebel spirit.  And mind you, I have not attended the church since early 2015. 

My bible explained occasions for doubt.  The New Open Bible on page 914 reads: “A Christian may also doubt God’s sovereignty or His goodness.  In circumstances as suffering, injustice, opposition…or apparent unanswered prayer, the Christian may be tempted to doubt the goodness of God.  One must remember that it is not always possible to discern God’s good hand in the affairs of life.  The person of faith believes God even when circumstances appear to the contrary”.

These are the scripture promises I need to trust:  

“I will establish one shepherd over them, and he shall feed them—My servant David.  He shall feed them and be their shepherd.”  (Ezekiel 34:23).

“And I will give you shepherds according to My heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding.”  (Jeremiah 3:15).

January 4th, 2022, Update ~ An update to this pending promise: news came that the head pastor (that I wrote about in My Sister’s Walk with God) had passed away.  I believe the Lord is rolling out in the physical realm what He told me years ago in the spiritual realm.  And as He does, you will experience firsthand the accounts of the wonders of the Living God.

A Startling Thought

Recently, the Lord revealed a startling thought.  A thought like a lighthouse shining in the darkness.  While in prayer, I asked again if I should believe the Splendor Word and if the leadership changes came to pass…if they were truth.  God gave me a scripture address that I did not recognize, 2 Chronicles 1:16.  I looked it up in my bible and it was not highlighted or dated (which I always do when given an address from the Lord).  However, written next to the verse was ‘Splendor Word’!

I did not record this piece of scripture in my computer typed version of the Splendor Word, either.  So, I went back to my original hand-written journal and inscribed under the other verses I received at the time was 2 Chronicles 1:16.  However, in my journal it was scratched out, like I didn’t feel it applied to the prophetic word at the time.  Silly me!  The Lord revived that verse by giving it to me as an address almost fourteen years later to make a point.

What was the point God was making?  What was the startling thought?  He was telling me that the Splendor Word is going to happen, but it doesn’t matter what ‘man’ brings it about.  Because no man will bring it about, it is going to come to pass due to the faithfulness of the Lord and it is His movement.  No man will start it or lead it or run it or be credited to it because it is God’s new movement.  It is the Lord’s awesome, and I might add, His unusual work.

Hence, all my pondering if the former assistant pastor would return to lead my old church when the head pastor exists is a non sequitur.  Meaning my conclusion may not match what God has intended.  In other words, my assumption might not happen as I have thought for fourteen years.  Maybe the former assistant pastor whom I regard as a quintessential man of God, teacher and humble leader is a ‘prototype’ of the person God may bring to teach the flock.

In any event, I was surprised that I had not understood this before.  The Lord in His mercy tenderly jolted me from my long-held belief.  And you know what?  It doesn’t really matter who leads God’s flock.  What matters is that Jesus’s glory is coming, and He will inhabit the sanctuary, and all will be refreshed.  I remind you again of His words:

“It is a time of splendor in My Spirit; a time of threshing of old human ways and traditions; and a way of new hope and renewal to an old wine skin.  This work will be a life changing work, the institution will not survive but I will breathe in it, new life.  As I said before My church will come to life and it will be true to its name.  The Lord cometh and He will inhabit the true praises of His people.  And I will set My sanctuary with you, and all will be refreshed.”  Just believe!

“He who testifies to these things says, ‘Surely I am coming quickly.’ Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!”  (Revelation 22:20).