The Tests

11/10/22

Approximately three weeks after I completed my Forgiveness memorial by writing the letters, I was sent some tests.  The first test came in the form of a conversation…to prove the excavation of my heart.

It was a quiet Sunday morning and my husband mentioned the pastors of our former church.  I was quite surprised when my spirit was quiet within me; I responded to him in an understanding way regarding his comments on the pastors.  I don’t recall what my husband said, only that I did not recoil within my heart.  I felt I understood and agreed with my beloved concerning his kind comments about them.  I moved on.

The same day during my nap, I dreamed.  In the dream, I was minding my own business when the head pastor’s son of my former church appeared with a friend.  The two men were there to ‘watch me’ or check on me after the head pastor’s death. 

I felt no fear or animosity towards the visiting men, and I continued on with my business.  I awoke thinking ‘Why am I dreaming of them?’  I heard nothing, then it dawned on me that the short dream was a test to see how I would react.  Whether it was from God or just my mind, I realized I didn’t care nor was I bothered by their presence in my dream.  Once I realized the test, I blessed them and wished them the best of God’s fullness.  

Two weeks went by and another test dream arrived.   In the dream, I saw the head pastor’s wife (from the ten-year prayer assignment), in a group of women walking through my dream.  I had indifferent feelings except for “Oh, that’s so and so”, then I went about my business.  I felt no anxiety or bitterness for the women.  I awoke thinking it to be another test of the Forgiveness Project. So, I blessed and prayed for them and specifically for the wife, that she would feed on green pastures and find peace.

From the Forgiveness Project: “I wish you well with your life, and I hope and pray you will cause no more damage to me or anyone else.”  I pray I have passed the Lord’s tests and I am in a position to receive God’s healing and blessings.  I can see how He used the painful memories regarding the church’s leadership to show me a desert can bloom and become colorful again!

The wilderness and the wasteland shall be glad for them, and the desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose; it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice, even with joy and singing.  The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it, the excellence of Carmel and Sharon.  They shall see the glory of the Lord, the excellency of our God.  Isaiah 35:1-2

Now whom you forgive anything I also forgive for if indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sake’s in the presence of Christ. 2 Corinthians 2:10